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“When you were a baby, you were so fat that you had to be baptized at Sea World!” Ha.
“You’re so fat, you leave footprints in concrete!” Haha.
“You are so fat, NASA orbits satellites around you!” Bah-hahahahaha!

Fat Kidz

Dies With That?

32% of all American children are OVERWEIGHT. OBESE. Unhealthy.

Making fun of fatties is fucking fun, right? Nobody makes fun of fatties better than Adam Sandler. The first time I heard the track “Fatty McGee,” on Sandler’s comedy cd, “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” I nearly killed myself.  See, I was driving a stupid mini-van in the middle of winter. The roads were wet with ice and slush.  I may or may not have been drunk.   I can’t fucking remember.  Anyhoo, I was listening to “Fatty McGee,” laughing my fucking ass off.  Every hysterical wheeze that escaped Fatty’s fat lips caused tears to stream down my face.   I couldn’t see a Goddamn thing.  I had no idea where I was going, and my situation only worsened when the fucking van began to fishtail.  Somehow, I regained control of my vehicle and pulled into a Taco Bell restaurant where I continued to laugh my unfat ass off.

Humorous as “Fatty McGee” may be, obesity really isn’t an issue that can, or should be dismissed with laughter.  I feel that obesity is an issue that should be addressed with ass kicking anger!

This is why:

90% of all overweight children have at least one risk factor for heart disease!!

The circumstances which cause childhood obesity vary greatly.  These variants include environment, community, income, poverty, diet, race, genetics, etc., etc.  Statistics show that poverty stricken minority children are more likely to be overweight than those who are not a poor minority.  In the state of Kentucky, 68% of the children who are overweight are also poor, belong to a minority group and live in rural areas. Statistics also show that physical education is vanishing from schools across America, with only 25% of kids still attending. In the state of Washington, 40% of the children are overweight, with 50% of them saying that there isn’t a safe place for them to engage in recreational activities.  These poor fat kids are most likely not getting enough exercise by way of physical education at school, and they live in fucking Cracktown, so it isn’t safe for them to play stick ball or kick the damn can outdoors.  But what about those overweight children who live above the poverty line, in non-dangerous neighborhoods and inner cities?

In families whose income is at least four times higher than the poverty level, only 9.1% of 10-17 year olds are overweight or obese.  Forgive me, I am not a mathmetologist, but 9.1% seems rather low; but that is neither here nor there.  This is what I think:  Poor kids that do not suffer from shitty genetics are overweight because healthy food is expensive.  These kids have to live on Grade F bologna, boxed macaroni and cheese and other processed bullshit.  Poor kids who are inherently overweight become morbidly obese because (a) they are fucking fat to begin with, (b) they live on garbage, and (c) they may not receive encouragement to exercise.  Kids that live in households above the poverty line are fucking fat because (a) they are inherently portly, (b) they eat whatever the hell they want, when they want, and (c) they are fucking lazy.

At the risk of sounding cold, I have to say that I am thoroughly disgusted when I see a family of fatties eating at a fast-food restaurant.  What the fuck are they doing there, wolfing down double cheeseburgers and what have you, when they clearly need to be making wiser food choices?  Realistically, you can’t blame the children.  Children live by example, after all.  Words cannot express the anger I feel, knowing that there parents who not only allow their children to be pigs, but encourage or enable it, as well.  It is fucking abhorring that there are three, four and five year old children who weigh as much as some adults.  To those parents who overfeed their children with slop:  You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.  You ought to have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment.  In my opinion, you are not fit to raise children.

It is said that children ingest up to 50% of their daily calories at school, so it is only logical that schools be forced to sell more nutritious lunches.  An ideal, healthy school lunch would consist of 1% milk, fresh fruit, vegetables and an entree low in sodium and rich in whole grains and/or lean meat.  Typically, schools do serve 1% milk, fruits and vegetables, however, many children do not take them.  In the state of Michigan, school lunch programs operate under what is called “Offer versus Serve,” which solely affects those students who receive free and reduced priced lunches.  What Offer versus Serve means is that out of the five components that make up a state reimbursable lunch, a child needs only take three.  For those students who pay full price for their meals, Offer Versus Serve is not employed.  Many of these students choose to purchase cookies, potato chips, and other crap in fruits and vegetables stead.

Many schools across the United States have become more proactive and health conscious in regards to nutrition.  Pop machines have been pulled, and the fried vending snacks have been replaced with baked.  Close, but no cigar.  I’d like to see schools remove any and all ala carte choices, meaning nachos, which by the way, contain one third of your daily fat intake, cookies, ice cream, candy, etc.  I’d also like to see the Offer versus Serve method employed for all lunches, not just for free and reduced.  I realize that my opinion is unpopular.  I realize that I do not have the right to take away one’s freedom of choice.  What my opposition has to realize is that the school cafeteria is not a fucking restaurant.  The main function of school is to educate, not to turn out food critics, and fat ones at that.

Being a parent means that you have to make every effort to instill within your children, the ability to make good choices.   Allowing your porker to eat a pound of bacon with a side of bacon for breakfast every fucking morning is not a wise decision.  Giving in to your brat and buying him/her McDonald’s for the eleventieth time in one week just to keep the little shit from throwing a Goddamn tantrum is not a wise decision.  A parent cannot rely on school lunch programs to serve their children nutritious meals, at least not to the richies who can afford to pay full price for a school lunch.  A parent cannot rely on the aid of society to magically cease and desist the manufacturing of every shit ass food product known to mankind.  For those poorer families-families that receive state assistance, i.e. food stamps or bridge cards:  Use the money us taxpayers provide you on as much unboxed, unprocessed garbage that you can.  I realize that food is expensive, but for fuck’s sake, so is a heart transplant and insulin.

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