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“Happiness is a warm gun…” 2008 Fall Programming Preview

a History Lesson

Here in America, people just love their guns. To celebrate our love of guns, we have built countless facilities across the nation in which gun hobbyists are allowed to shoot their guns. Folks here take the Second Amendment very seriously. We take it so seriously, in fact, that we have our very own special club for people who love guns. This very special club for people who love guns is called the National Rifle Association, or the NRA.

This club is so fucking special that celebrities want to join. Very important people like Tom Selleck are members of the NRA. Tom Selleck loves guns. Tom Selleck loves the right to keep and bear arms. I wonder if Tom Selleck knows his history in regards to his beloved Second Amendment.

"The law-abiding citizen is entitled to own a rifle, pistol, or shotgun. The right, put simply, shall not be infringed..." - Deceased NRA Mouthpiece, Charlatan Heston, Before the Senate Judiciary Committee 9/23/98

The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution, as passed by the House and Senate, reads:

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

The concept of a universal militia originated in England. During the 12th century, Mr. Smarty Pants King Henry II obligated all freemen to bear arms for public defense. As customary, a soldier would purchase, maintain, keep and bring his own armor and weaponry for military service.

King Henry III required every man from the age of fifteen to fifty, including non-landowning subjects, to own a weapon other than a knife. It was their duty to keep watch and ward at night to capture suspicious persons. It was also left up to every subject to keep the king’s peace and assist in the suppression of riots.

This remained in effect until 1671, when PARLIAMENT created a statute that raised the property qualifications needed in order to possess firearms. Even then, the government’s expertise and ability to fuck the citizens up the ass was phenomenal. In 1686, Holy Rolling Roman Catholic King James II banned the Protestants’ right to keep and bear firearms, even though the Protestants made up more than 95% of the English subjects. In 1689, the English Bill of Rights declared that “Subjects which are Protestants may have Arms for their defense suitable to their Conditions, and as allowed by Law.”

Fast forward eleventy years…

Unlike the United States, there is virtually no modern organized “right to keep and bear arms” lobby in the United Kingdom. Being an American who is obligated to fucking love the fuck out of guns and the NRA and all the shit, I find the gun politics from across the pond ridiculous. I also find it funny, not funny ha-ha, that the land from which my country’s most beloved amendment derives, no longer permits it’s citizens with the luxury that my fellow countrymen possess.

Isn’t that a kick in the dick? I hope that gun loving, gun toting son-of-a-bitch, Tom Selleck appreciates his liberties.

WHEN I'M NOT DRUNK, DRAWING OR READING, I AM WRITING. I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A NOVEL OF EPIC PROPORTIONS FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS.

[ED. Be sure you don’t miss our November 11th show on Gun Ctrl – or we’ll ficking SHOOT ya!]

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